I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
