Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
third nipple confirmed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
