You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
