you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
