I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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