he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
