I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
