Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
