The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My balls are so social today.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Found the puke drawer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
