Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
