I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
