I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
