will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
