I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
