I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just googled if crying burns calories
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
