Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
