are you so shy because you have an std?
where am i from again
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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