Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
