I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
