peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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