ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
