I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
