I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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