So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
