its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
