its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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