I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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