Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
