i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
