Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
