I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
