I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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