It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
