my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
