So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
