he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
