The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
