Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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