Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
