woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
