I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
