I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
