Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
