I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
