she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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