I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
