If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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