I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
