my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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