I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
