So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
