They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize