So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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