i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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