No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
